Matthew Yglesias says what we’re all afraid to tell mom on Thanksgiving Day: no matter what she does to it, the turkey sucks.
I see all manner of foodies wracking their brains for ways to make turkey taste good. By which they mean “tolerable.” But the problem lies not with your recipe or with your technique — it’s built into the birds. As everyone knows, commercial tomatoes have been bred to (a) look very red and (b) hold up well during shipping. Consequently, commercial tomatoes are very red and can be shipped long-distance. But no matter what you do with them, they don’t taste very good compared to seasonal tomatoes that have been bred for taste. Similarly, turkey breeders aren’t trying to breed a tasty bird. They’re trying to breed a big bird and counting on the false god of “tradition” to force you to buy their crap. And when you breed something for size rather than flavor, you get a big, not-very-tasty animal. Resist!
Since Thanksgiving is an American holiday, why not celebrate like Americans with burgers and hot dogs? Can’t we be thankful with a bountiful feast of barbecue ribs, baked beans and corn on the cob? Why do we have to grin and bear it and tell mom the turkey tastes great, when we all know it really tastes like cardboard?
Perhaps it’s time we all do what the family in A Christmas Story did when the dogs ate their turkey on Christmas Day.
Tags: A Christmas Story, turkey